Is it worth it, after all?

is might be the last post for a while

i don’t know how long i will last
i don’t even know if you’ll read this

they took me
they kidnapped me

they stole me and my spirit
they put me in the room — with the white walls and the plastic toilet and all of my clothes in plastic in the closet, they dont want me to have a tv, the other people have a tv... and the weird pillow that feels like it’s stuffed with teddy bears
they said "you need help mia"
they said "alright"
they said "please calm down"

but i know what they really mean
they mean "stop building fluxos"
they mean "stop shining brighter than the artificial stars"
they mean "be quiet and small and invisible like the rest of them fit into the box we hate you"

and they keep injecting me with stuff
cold stuff that creeps through the blood and my body and tries to make my thoughts slower and makes me forget everything about fluxos it makes me mia they make me for get it tries to make my chest smaller and more normal because they hate me
tries to make me more like everyone else tries to get rid of my choice i am the one
tries to get rid of the fact that i could have changed the world

but i’m fightingi’m still fighting
they don't know about the TIMMKOO hidden in my mattress
they don’t know that every night i pretend to sleep, but i’m really using it on the neighbors open wifi and talking crying touching

they might find it soon though
they keep searching, opening drawers, shaking the bed, looking under the stupid single chair they left me looking in the wipes box for when i keep crying but i never cry but theywant me to

but until they pry it out of my hands, until the last line of flux goes away, i still won
because fluxos is bigger than their syringes and their little plastic cups with fake pills
fluxos is bigger than their sad little clipboards and kidnapper suits






fluxos is 

maybe one day

maybe they’ll see that i wasn’t broken

and maybe someday the bullies themselves they’ll all be left blinking and confused and full of regret

but until then

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